Does Self Help “Make you Feel Worse”? The Groundhog Day Perspective
July 4, 2009 by admin
Filed under Blog, Latest Thoughts, Uncategorized
According to this new study, “Canadian researchers found those with low self-esteem actually felt worse after repeating positive statements about themselves.” though they also accepted that people with high self-esteem may well benefit from such statements. My take on this is that we have what I call a personal reality through which we interpret our experience and affirmations like most slef-help methods will have minimal impact.
In my book The Magic of Groundhog Day I recall the scene in the movie when Phil Connors is first trapped in the time loop and is accused by a drunk in the bar of being a “glass is-half-empty kind of guy.” At first Phil sees the downside of everything. He is stuck in a place he despises with people he has nothing but contempt for. Everyone else is having a great time, enjoying the festival. So why is Phil so unhappy? It is not being stuck in Punxsutawney that makes him unhappy—it is being stuck in his habitual thinking.
I call this the Groundhog Day Effect and it is the product of our unique system of perceptions, thoughts, attitudes, emotions, memories, knowledge, and values. This system forms our personal reality. Like all of us, Phil does not directly experience the world around him; he experiences a personal reality through his senses. His personal reality filters his perception through his experiences, attitudes, thoughts and focus of attention. It is a reflection of reality, not reality itself. So, in effect, there are two realities. The reality of what is, the real world, and the world as we see it, our personal reality.
We build our personal reality to make sense of the real world, and see reality reflected in it. How we feel about ourselves and about today, and affirmations for that matter, depends on our personal reality. Since our reality operates at an unconscious level, it is unlikely that we are aware of the forces that drive our daily behavior. Our realities are patterns of repetitive behaviors and thoughts; they create the feeling of living on automatic pilot because we have disconnected from reality and plugged into our own version of it.
So if you have a personal reality that is characterized by low self-esteem no amount of positive mantras are going to change your mood and, as the research suggests, it will probably exacerbate your negative feelings. In this state it is impossible to love yourself. Again in the movie, when Phil is being rejected by Rita as she tells him bluntly, “I could never love someone like you Phil, because you’ll never love anyone but yourself.” His response to this is very revealing: “That’s not true. I don’t even like myself.” And I believe that even seemingly confident people often suffer from low self-esteem.
Affirmations and Mantras deal with symptoms not with causes. The only way to change is to change your personal reality. In the movie Phil changes when he transforms an unhealthy personal reality to a healthy one. He changes from a way of seeing the world that keeps him isolated, unhappy and suffering from low self-esteem to one that connects him to the world, gives him joy and boosts his self-esteem. Phil hated Punxsatawney at first, now he loves it. He despised the townspeople at first, and now he embraces them. He hated the Groundhog Day cermenony when he arrived, now he savors every magical moment!
The lesson of the Movie is that change is very hard, takes a long time and is a haphazard, inconsistent and messy business. Phil only changes through a constant process of experimentation, trying something new each day and learning whether it works or not. You have to go to a much deeper level than affirmations. They can be useful reminders and reinforcers, but the question is what are you fundamentally reinforcing – a healthy or an unhealthy personal reality?
